"To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die."
- Thomas Campbell
I've put this to the side for a little while. I've written parts of a couple different posts, but haven't been able to finish them.
One thing that I've found myself doing since losing my baby is combing through other people's experiences and thoughts. There are stories and quotes everywhere. It helps for a little while, but then I go right back to being in my own little depressed world.
The quote at the top rings true on a few levels, I think about my baby EVERY SINGLE DAY.
And by the way. Is it just me, or does every TV show, movie, book, commercial, person in line in front of you at the grocery store, and radio show have to do with babies? I mean, come on.
In the weeks after we lost our baby, DH and I spent a lot of time watching TV and pretending life didn't exist. Yet, even the most random shows, that up to that point had no story line going in any direction 500 miles near a baby, had three pregnant women, a miscarriage or two, and lots of happy couples with successful pregnancies. It hasn't changed. I've started reading a lot more to try and get away, and every random book I've downloaded has had some sort of pregnancy. Why? As if I wasn't in enough pain, now all of my outlets have been shoving my pain back in my face.
My child will never leave me. Ever. Even though I never got to hold my baby, I had more love for my child than I can explain.
I'm sitting here watching Overboard while I type. One of my favorite movies. Thought I would throw that in.
I digress.
The loss is everywhere. No matter what anyone says, I haven't found it to get better. I know that I'm still early in all of this, it's only been a couple of months, but I am just as heartbroken as I was the day I found out. I don't believe that will ever change, and I'm not sure that it ever should.
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